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[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

Tobias isn't brooding. He doesn't brood. He just... looks like he is.

He sits cross-legged on the ground in front of the small house they've been working to restore. It's a poor attempt at a meditative position, but it is an attempt. He tries to do that whole deep, calm breathing thing, but it doesn't come very easily. Which is ironic because he never really had trouble staying calm before. It used to be his default mode, and now he has to struggle to stay centered and...

He sighs.

This doesn't seem to be working.

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[theresnodoor]

She used to like adventure, save-the-world kind of stuff, novel series like the Chronicles of Narnia. Now she leans toward the more philosophical. Mostly because Rachel is on the lookout for something that can occupy her without making her ache for how things used to be.

"It was okay. Kind of heavy, if you're not already familiar with all the mythology stuff."

She's not really. She never cared much for mythology and she certainly isn't interested in beings of a higher power now.

A rabbit can be skin in small pieces for easy removal. Rachel really prefers to do it all in one big piece, with an uneasily satisfying ripping sound.

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

Tobias twitches at the sound. It pulls up so many deep-seated responses. Responses that aren't his anymore. Now that he's human.

"Good."

So much for small talk.

He lapses into awkward silence again.

[theresnodoor]

She shouldn't do that in front of him. She's noticed before that it makes him twitch, but not always. Or maybe sometimes she's just too focused on what she's doing to pay attention.

The hunting is the best part, the skinning is dull, but the rip is...

"How about you?" she asks after the silence has settled for a moment. Rachel doesn't look up, eyes down as she finishes up, listening to him set up the fire. "Did you finish that math thing?"

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. For all the use it'll be." Tobias shakes his head and shrugs helplessly. He can't actually voice the words 'what am I even doing here?', but the thought is there. Eating at him.

[theresnodoor]

He got dangerously close to it right there. Rachel's eyes dart to his sharply, though her head stays bent, and she stares - but only until he starts to meet her gaze.

She looks down at the rabbit until there's nothing left to look at anymore and she can get up and go to the stove.

And pretend like she's not asking the same question of herself. Not the one she's always asked - what is a soldier doing in a place that needs warriors - but more specific.

What is she doing here, right here, in this kitchen in this house.

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

The silence that stretches out between them isn't like the comfortable ones they used to share. It's tense and almost jagged, filled with things they can't say and can't ignore. It doesn't take too long before Tobias can't take the pressure anymore and he breaks the silence.

"So..."

And realizes he doesn't actually have anything to say.

[theresnodoor]

Sometimes they break the silence by breaking up the presence in the room, just walking out.

Rachel tends to like that better.

She goes a little stiff when he speaks, but with her back to him while she faces the stove, she doesn't have to worry about what he might see in her face. Like the roll of her eyes at any attempt to try and cover up what he just said, or the curl of her lip when she knows she's just going to encourage it. Because... what else are they going to do?

"Listen," she says, suddenly because she hasn't really put any thought into it, casually because it has to be said that way, "what if we went somewhere? Somewhere else. We don't have to be here, sitting between the two safe zones, there's a whole world we could check out."

Things he could see.

Like the jobs that still need doing, and the people that do them without morphing.

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

"Where do you want to go?" It's not a sarcastic question. Not a biting response to belittle her suggestion. It's genuine.

Tobias is willing to try something, anything, to get out of the strangling uselessness of the past month. And he hates knowing that he's keeping Rachel cooped up. She wasn't made for that. She's supposed to run free.

[theresnodoor]

"I don't know."

The meat sizzles when it hits the pan. She stares at it for a minute before turning around, leaning a hip against the wall and looking at the boy at the table with cool blue eyes. "Just... somewhere, I guess. Anywhere else. There's nothing here."

For them, for him. Nothing really comes or goes, nothing new happens, it's...

Stagnant.

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

Tobias sat in silence for a bit. Not because he was thinking about the suggestion, but because... it was almost comfortable. Almost what they'd used to have.

Eventually he shrugs. "You're right."

[theresnodoor]

Somewhere new. Start over. Don't try to adapt to your old place when something's changed about you, but change everything and be so wrapped up in it, there's no time to worry.

Rachel smiles at him. It feels uncomfortable, almost. It's been a while since she smiled like that.

"We could-"

Talk to Jo, find out where to go, where they might be needed. Assuming that Tobias wants to fight at all anymore. He hasn't shown any desire to learn.

Her smile falters a little. It's a question she hasn't been ready to ask him yet.

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

It's a question he hasn't been ready to ask himself yet.

But... maybe he'll be able to. Eventually.

He smiles a bit himself, just as uncomfortably as she does. "So... what? We just pack up and start walking?"

[theresnodoor]

For a second, she'd worried he'd pursue that, start another fight. Though with all the awkwardness, she's almost been craving their old fights.

His response, though... his response is better.

Rachel's smile comes back, slow and natural, and she shrugs. "Sure. Why not?"

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

Tobias actually chuckles at that. "Do we get to eat first?"

[theresnodoor]

Oh, right. That. Rachel blinks and glances back at the stove before facing him again with a smirk.

(it might be the first time he's laughed since they came here)

"We're leaving the books behind, though. No way am I hauling those all over the country."

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

"Don't look at me," Tobias smirks ever so slightly. "I'm not carrying more than I have to." He was still skinny.

[theresnodoor]

Well, so is she. They'll need to actually go get supplies for this... like walking shoes.

Walking to get places.

Rachel makes a face at that thought but it doesn't last long. Not with a plan and Tobias smirking.

"I guess we could get a car," she points out quietly, turning to get the meat off the stove before it burns, but there's no excitement in it. Moving in a car, going too fast, missing any of the small things they both might be willing to do - or fights they might be forced into if they're already on foot...

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

"I don't drive," Tobias shrugs. "Though I guess I could learn." He sounds torn. Car doesn't sound like all that great a choice for travel, but learning to drive might be sort of fun.

[theresnodoor]

They'd picked up that SUV ages ago, but it had only been a day of driving and neither of them had ever done it again. No point, really.

She passes him a paper plate and takes a seat at the table across from him, fingering a plastic fork. "We can just walk, too," Rachel points out - and grins at him, teasing. "Of course, we'll have to go shopping for shoes. And while we're there, we could both use some new clothes..."

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

This time there's an actual laugh from Tobias. "A trip to the mall? Just like old times?"

[theresnodoor]

Rachel grins at him, bright and wide, even while she shrugs. "The movie theater looks like it hasn't worked in over twenty years, but I bet someone's re-opened the Cinnabon."

Like when they all used to meet in a big group, before it was too dangerous. And someone would buy the giant bun and put it in the middle and they'd all try to grab a bite before Ax would grab the whole thing, paper plate and fork and all, and try to shove it into his mouth.

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

"Cinnabon..." Tobias shakes his head. "Those were the days, huh?" When they were so much younger. And despite all they'd seen they'd been almost innocent.

[theresnodoor]

They'd been surprisingly close to it. Rachel's grin dies down to a smile, no less pleased but more thoughtful. "Yeah," she agrees quietly.

When they all still had families and places to go to feel safe and a purpose they believed in.

"Yeah, they were."

[whoiwasmeant2be.livejournal.com]

"What happened to us?" he asks. Even though he knows the answer: they won. At any cost.

[theresnodoor]

He gets a little laugh in return, which might seem out of place. But it's as bitter as it is amused, and Rachel looks up from picking at her meal to smirk at him.

"We didn't give up."