playinginsand | (no subject)

(no subject)

Rachel has been asleep for a couple of hours. Tobias had stood up to wrap a blanket around her shoulders over an hour ago. Now he's sitting in a chair, watching her, sort of.

He's still worried about her, of course, but now he's thinking about... well... what's next. Over two hours morphed human... He's stuck again.

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"It is now."

He holds her chin and leans in close. "I don't regret it."

At least not yet. And he hoped never.

Rachel shakes her head again, much as she can with his hand on her chin, expression incredulous as much as horrified. He hasn't had time to regret it. He hasn't thought it through. And when it all comes crashing down, there's no Ellimist to fix it.

He'll never fly again.

"Why?" she whispers, staring into his eyes, pale and large and soft and nothing like the hard, predatory gold they've been for so long. "You just trapped yourself in a body you never liked. A morph you hate. A teenage human - Tobias, you don't have wings.

"How could you do this to yourself?"

"I promised." It was as simple as that.

No it wasn't.

He's always been there for her, even if it was just flying by her side, sitting on her shoulder, being in the same room with her. Before this place, he never morphed just because she asked him to. And when she used to ask him, he always said no.

Always.

Rachel shakes her head - and this time, she pulls away from him, covering her eyes with a hand. Not just David, not just herself. She's destroyed Tobias' life too.

He knows her. And that means he knows what she's thinking.

"You didn't do this. Don't you dare try to make this your fault. I'm fully able to make my own decisions."

"Then why didn't you do it before?"

She'd always demanded the question, snapped it, violent and angry. There are tears in her voice now, letting the hand drop to look at him. "I've asked you a thousand times before and you never would. Then I come in yesterday like..."

"You never needed it before." Wanted it, maybe. But needed it? No. He knew she hadn't.

Rachel freezes, jaw dropping slightly.

And we're back to horror.

"You ruined your life and you don't even know why," she whispers.

"I know exactly why." She'd needed him.

"Besides, I didn't ruin my life."

She stares at him again. She's as desperate for him to understand as she is still struggling just to think about it. So when Rachel manages to speak again, it's only one word:

"David."

Tobias' eyes widen. What?

"No!"

It's not the same. Not at all.

Rachel doesn't move at all, still looking at him. But after a couple of seconds, her jaw starts working.

She wants him to understand. But it's no easier thinking of tunnels and close spaces, construction sites and airless boxes, and rats.

"A weak... defenseless body. A morph you hate."

"You didn't do this to me," he insists. "It's not the same."

She has to believe that. She has to. He couldn't live with losing his wings and hurting her worse in the process.

She shakes her head, eyes closing tight. More tears course down her cheeks but for the moment, she's at a loss for words.

She didn't want this. Not anymore, not now. Not when she finally realized what it meant to be trapped. Not when a part of her finally considered the possibility that trapping herself in morph...

He leans in even close, gently pressing his lips to Rachel's forehead.

He doesn't know what to say. He's not sure there's anything he can say. But he's there for her.

Always.

The first brush, just the sensation of lips and the image of the wickedly sharp beak in her mind, conjures a sob, bowing her head and letting her shoulders shake with it.

"You have potential."

Don't cry. Please don't cry.

Tobias swallows once. Twice.

"Oh my god," he chokes out in a whisper. "I screwed up." He's ruined everything.

Just when she'd started to understand. Just when she'd promised herself never to ask him again. And now, with all these voices still ringing in her head.

When he whispers, Rachel sobs again, listening to the change in his voice as it hits him.

He's not sorry about what he did. Not yet. There hasn't been time for that.

But he's done something to hurt her. Bad.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Can he fix it?

She's in no place to answer him anymore. But she's been at it so long, and slept so fitfully, that there's no a whole lot left in her to sob with.

So she's silent instead, head bowed and breathing heavily.

Tobias has never been good with words, and this... isn't helping.

He just kneels on the floor, forehead leaning into her, mind running in circles.

She can do that, leaning a little toward him. And slowly, her arms loosen from around her knees and her hands reach for him.

He's tense, worried, but his own arms tighten around her in response to her movement. He's still here for her.

He promised.

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